ashes to beauty

if I were to try to describe the journey...to put into words how very far Jesus has brought me...fully aware of how far I have yet to go...words really seem quite inadequate...how do you take a heart and place it into words...yet with His help, I will try...following is a poem I wrote on New Year's Day, 2012...the moment that I found grace in the healing...and that grace falls like drops of mercy each day...

from ashes

       to beauty

            from despair

               to hope

a heart once broken

   now made new

                          fragile yet free

                              vulnerable yet whole

           the wedding celebration

                  can now begin

                                   the bridegroom

                                         waits for His bride

                                                 with great patience

               she has traveled many miles

               through rough terrain 

                           she dug through guilt

                                    she climbed through shame

                                              she waded through grief

         each time she thought

     "surely this must be the place

  where broken hearts are made new"

                               she knew the promises

                               she even believed the promises

          "He has covered me with clothes of salvation

                   and wrapped me with a coat of goodness

                          like a bridegroom dressed for his wedding

                                 like a bride dressed in jewels"

yet she never felt quite good enough...

        quite ready

she tried to make herself beautiful

   by trying on different gowns...

                    some of lace

                    some of linen

                                but none fit quite right

        "surely He must becoming impatient with me" she thought

               "I need to hurry...make something fit"

                         in time

                               in His perfect time

               her eyes were opened to reason

        nothing fit quite right...

the love the bridegroom had for her

    was a love she was convinced would not fit

"why?" she would ask

"why would He love me?"

                  another heart came alongside her

         walked through the pain of the past with her

                      guilt

                             shame

                                       grief

        the tears

            the prayers

                 the honesty

                                  the courage to walk through the pain

                                           all came together

              she knew something was different

the bridegroom then wrote her a love letter

           still she struggled to accept what He was saying

                                finally she looked in the mirror 

                                and was able to see herself as He saw her...

                a beautiful 

                      radiant bride

                           the love of His life...

                                                        rather than the reflection

                                                              as she saw it

              she realized that her love for Him

        was as passionate as His for her

                she is ready for the wedding celebration to begin

            to fall into His arms with sweet abandonment