Saturday, July 5, 2014

a testimony of grace

 The following is the testimony I gave in my church on Thanksgiving Day, 2013. It gives a small glimpse into the journey I have been on and will be on until the day I see Jesus face to face. His love truly turned my darkness into His radiant light. That doesn't mean I don't still struggle with depression and the storms of life...it simply means that His peace holds me and His all-consuming love grounds me IN the storms of life. The realization that He is truly enough continues to strengthen and permeate deep within. And I will never be the same.





my story is one of a journey...
      a journey of healing
              a journey of hope
                      a journey of learning to accept
                            the intimate love of Jesus

                  along with seasons of joy and love
                           my journey has had seasons of pain
                                            and heartache
                                                    leading to 
                                                         deep depression
                                                                 and addiction 
                                                                       in the form of
                                                                           anorexia

                                        for 15 years I struggled...
                                  with loss
                              with guilt
                          with shame
                     with self-pity

it has been almost 2 years now since Jesus opened my eyes
                  to the painful truth of how I had been living
                        ...blind to the fact that
              I was not the only one who suffered in all my pain
                   I had hurt so many...especially my kids...
                         that realization hurt deeply
                                            and humbled deeply
                                  yet was the critical moment when
                                          the paradigm began to shift for me

Jesus lovingly gave me a Spirit-filled friend
            who walked with me through this painful time of
                            confessing
                                   repenting
                                           seeking forgiveness from those I had hurt
                                               and forgiving those who had hurt me
                             leading to a heart able to accept that Jesus
                                  loved me for who I was....
                                            His bride
                   
                             being able to see my reflection
                       in His eyes...
                          as He saw me...
                               instead of what I saw in the mirror
                                     was life changing...
                                            accepting His love allowed me to
                                                   love myself
                                                         love others

                    as this love permeated my heart and life
         I was able to live in the story...
                    a love story 
                          written by Jesus
                                 and move with Him beyond the cross
                                          to a life of freedom
                                                                 peace
                                                                         joy

                        3 months after this incredible touch of Jesus...
                               on Good Friday of 2012
                                     He delivered me completely
                                 from the chains of anorexia
                             and I have been free ever since

                  free to live and love and laugh and eat
                          to share His love and light

         as I walk my journey
                learning more
                growing more
                seeking Him more
           Jesus lovingly draws me closer to Himself

                            and I will never be the same again





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