the gift of the struggle - Isaiah 40:31

                           "but those who trust in the Lord will find
                                     new strength
                                 they will soar high on wings like
                                     eagles
                           they will run and not grow weary
                                  they will walk and not faint"
                                                Isaiah 40:31

                                 gratitude in weakness.
                                 gratitude for weakness.
                                thankfulness in struggling.
                                thankfulness for struggling.

                                   it might seem to make more sense
                                                  to pray for strength
                                                  to replace weakness.
                                                  to pray for well-being 
                                                  to replace struggling.
                                          for if we are truly honest
                                     would we not prefer to not be
                                weak or struggling?
                           to live in ease rather than difficulty?

                                    soaring high on wings like eagles 
                                 or even running without weariness
                              certainly sound more appealing than 
                                     simply walking without fainting!

                            oh but this beating heart has discovered
                              the opposite to be true.
                                 that incredible joy and peace can
                                    be the result of 
                                       thanking in the struggle.

                                and as I read Isaiah 40:31
                                    I see a new dimension of
                                         those words so beautiful...

                            when this heart soars too high or often
                                   a good measure of
                                   self-reliance can be the result.
                                   and even when I soar in His strength
                                      I tend to forget that I am soaring 
                                            in His strength.
                                                and really, truly,
                                                this heart was not created
                                                to live at that elevation.
                                       
                                   yet when I do soar 
                             I feel His wings lifting me up.
                         and it is indeed beautiful.

                                   running. having the strength to run.
                                   this heart can run. a little. 
                             and I know that in His strength
                         I can even run further than I ever dreamed.
                     this heart, however, tends to run 
                  too far and too fast
               therefore ending up burned out.
               for not even the strongest of runners
               can run forever without nourishment and rest.
                          and I realize that really, truly,
                          this heart was not created to live running.

                                       yet when I do run
                                           I feel His presence pressing
                                               me forward
                                                   and it is indeed beautiful.

                                   walking. this is where He has me.
                               and as I walk I remember.
                               I remember when I could barely crawl.
                               I remember the seasons of darkness.
                                                                    of weakness.
                                                                    of struggles.
                                                      and I can now see 
                                                  those seasons drove me
                                              to His arms. and still do.
                                          precious intimacy with my Abba
                                      resulted from those times.
                                  deep communication with my Abba
                                  was born in the darkness
                                  and continues to grow  
                                  in times of light. 
                                  in times of darkness.

              so I thank Him for the gift of the struggles.
                  and I thank Him for the gift of my weaknesses
                       knowing He loves me with intensity
                            simply incomprehensible.

                              and not for a moment was I alone
                        and not for a moment will I ever be alone!
                        and when I do struggle I realize it is a gift!
                          and never will He allow those struggles
                        or darkness or weakness to consume me!
                             and that truth gives hope so real!

                and if even one heart can be given hope through
             my struggles and weaknesses,
         it is worth it.
     
             and I thank Him for the radical 
                                                 audacious and
                                                 relentless hope He gives.