"who knows if perhaps you were made
queen for just such a time as this?"
Esther 4:14
a personal mission
statement comes to life.
Queen Esther just
didn't realize
that truth yet.
"for such a time as this."
words which grab my heart.
a time. a season.
who gets to
determine the worth
of 'such a time as this'?
who determines when
the time begins and when
the time ends?
and what qualifies
as important enough?
subjective questions
if the measure used is
any
human
standard.
so quick we are to dismiss even our own
seasons as not valuable enough to
be 'for such a time as this'.
we (at least myself) look around
and conclude that we must be in
a season of transition instead of
possibly being exactly where
Abba
wants
us.
so we scan
the horizon
for something more.
something bigger.
something better.
we live today
in tomorrow.
we live waiting
for the moment
when all will be clear.
when all the pieces will fall into place.
when all the doors will be opened by His hand.
and that day may well come!
but what about today?
what about this moment?
what about the gifts
the blessings
the lives being
touched
right
now
in your
'such a time as this'
and my
'such a time as this'?
slowly I am learning that it matters not so
much what I am doing in the season but rather
who I am becoming.
doing is important
yet doing must come
out of being.
out of being completely
and wholly in love with and
surrendered to the One who
hung the stars in space and
wrote a love story penned
with His own crimson blood.
for
such
a time
as this.
ruined.
ruined forever.
beautifully ruined.
hearts ruined for Him.
hearts ruined by Him.
and is this not precisely
where Jesus would have us?
all
for
love.
His love.
so how does this love
ruin us?
a heart soft and tender.
a heart honest and vulnerable.
a heart with eyes open to hear
and ears open to see
through the eyes and
ears of Jesus.
and a heart
willing to live that
love out loud.
that is how a heart
is ruined.
for once the heart
sees and hears with
the eyes of Jesus, that
heart is changed. forever.
the passion and desires
and priorities and longings
become a paradigm shifting.
Kingdom focused
and the heart lives to
love all hearts...
regardless.
some hearts are ruined
right. where. they. are.
for are there not hearts
needing Jesus
everywhere?
and Kingdom is
everywhere!
other hearts are ruined
as feet step onto the soil
of a country far from home.
that new home becomes home
yet not completely home for
when the heart goes back home,
that home no longer
feels like home anymore, either.
so in essence,
the heart becomes
homeless.
oh but the beauty
accompanying the
often ensuing struggle?
Jesus.
Jesus knows.
Jesus understands.
He, too, left His home
to make His home among us.
the Creator becoming the created.
He found His heart's home in
His Father's heart
and gently He calls the heart so
beautifully ruined and
living between two homes
two worlds
to come.
come home.
His heart
is home.
"Today I have given you the choice
between life and death, between
blessings and curses. Now I call on
heaven and earth to witness the choice
you make.
Oh that you would
choose life,
so that you and your
descendants might live!
You make this choice by loving
the Lord your God, obeying
Him, and committing
yourself
to Him
firmly.
This (He) is the key to
your life."
Deuteronomy 30:19-20a
'choosing life' wears a multitude
of colors and hues and textures
and sounds and rhythms and
melodies and harmonies
and so on and so on.
for if we go deeper
than the literal meaning
and definition of life,
the color scheme
quickly shifts
from
black
and
white
to infinite shades of color.
for my perception of what
it means to choose life is
likely to be different from yours,
at least in the nuances.
and choosing life is
multilayered and
multifaceted.
for me to choose life I must choose
to choose Jesus.
when He is present
on every level
in every color
in every sound
He will
impact every
thought and
decision, especially
where I allow my imaginings
about the unknown to wander.
if every picture of what might
happen is covered with His presence,
the fear of what might happen
d i s s i p a t e s.
for if He is already there
that place
that person
that situation
that circumstance
holds. no. fear.
on my own I cannot
even begin to do this
but with Him, everything
is possible.
love and obey and commit.
commit firmly to Him.
such a beautiful word picture.
listening to Him.
clinging to Him.
resting in Him.
being in Him.
this is what I want my life to be.
He is life.
He gives life.
He is the key to life.
and today, once again,
(for I tend to repeat mistakes)
I. choose. life. 
And I am certain that God, who began the
good work in you, will continue His work
until it is finished on the day when
Christ Jesus returns. Philippians 1:6
remember that storm?
oh there have been many,
but one stands out in particular.
the one you thought
would
never
end.
wave upon wave
crashed over you
and just when you
thought you could breathe
another wave pulled you
under.
that. storm.
the one that made
time stand still and
from that moment on
there was life before
and life after.
the new definition of time.
of life.
and because of the One who
calmed the storm with a whisper...
the One who held you even as
the wind and waves and
thunder and lightening and
rain and chaos swirled
around you...
because of Him
you. are. here.
the same person?
no. pain and heartache
change you from the
inside out and you
will never be the same again.
roots grow
deeper
the longer and harder the wind blows.
so. you remember the storm.
perhaps it was years ago.
perhaps it was yesterday.
perhaps it is right now
and you wait for the
clouds to break and
the wind die down.
take courage.
He is in the
storm and
you are not alone. ever.
then there are the storms
not really stormy, yet stormy.
the kind leaving you troubled.
uncomfortably drifting.
and every heart knows
what it is to be drifting.
not in the middle of the
storm,
yet feeling
uneasy.
unsettled.
just
a bit lost.
perhaps a move.
perhaps a change.
perhaps a loss which
although not huge on
the spectrum of losses,
still hurts.
or perhaps the reason
is simply undefinable.
or perhaps many reasons
colliding at the same time.
and He whispers,
"My child, you are not alone.
you have an anchor secure
and that anchor is Me.
you are sensing what
the enemy of your soul does not
want you to recognize.
My child, I am working
in you and around you
and through you.
you long to know why
what
when
where.
you want
the puzzle pieces
to fit.
and I promise you
they do. in My timing.
open your clenched fists.
raise those now open hands
toward heaven.
love deeply yet loosely.
know that My plan for you
and for those around you
is just beginning to unfold.
and remember, child, that
an unsettled spirit does not
equate a spirit drifting from Me.
it simply means that I am
gently yet with purpose
refining your spirit
molding your heart
so you will be ready
for that which lies ahead.
live, My beloved, with
empty
hands
held
high." 
