His whisper

"My child,
as you walk through these 3 days
remembering each detail
the pain overwhelming
the loss unbearable..
I UNDERSTAND
one year ago
as each moment passed
from beginning to end
I heard your cries
praying for the miracle
I would certainly bring
the story
the testimony of healing
that Autumn would share for the rest of her life

I was there, My child
My own tears were falling as My precious Autumn
was hurt so unfairly
you wonder why I did not intervene
at that very moment
I did, My child...
I held her close as you rushed to pick her up
I then held you close as you held her close
I held her daddy close as she clung to him
I held her as the doctors and nurses
did all they could to save her precious life
I wiped your tears as you
watched in helplessness -
for how else can a parent feel
when the very life is slipping
out of their little girl

I was in the hospital room
as all who loved her gathered around
tears
prayers
whispers
gentle touches of tender love
one moment hope rising
next moment hearts sinking
I WAS THERE
My presence filled the room
My grace
My peace
My mercy
permeated all

I heard your cries to heal her
to not take her from you
My own heart was broken
as you laid in her bed feeling
her little heartbeat slowing
to a stop
I was there when her tiny heart
began to beat in your womb
I was there when her 3 year old heart
took its final beat
I was there with arms open wide
I lifted her from her broken body 
carrying her toward the light so blinding
and as she entered the indescribable beauty that is heaven
she could not help but stand in wide-eyed wonder
then singing
dancing
twirling in circles
running and playing in My love light
standing again in awe as she gazed into My eyes
worshiping me as only Autumn could
smiling her infectious smile
laughing with sheer joy

you still wonder why...
why.
some things are not for you to know, My child
what you see now is as through a glass darkly
one day it will be crystal clear
yet for today I give you promises to hang onto...
to wrap your hearts around

I healed Autumn, My beloved one
I healed her in the most perfect way possible
I made her whole and complete
never to suffer
never to cry
never to fear
she needs no night light
for there is no darkness
her testimony
her story
her life
are being told in ways 
unimaginable
in her 3 short yet full years
in her tragic death
those who needed to know My love
have come
have been touched by Autumn
those who strayed from Me
were reminded of the true meaning of life in Me
through little Autumn...
HER STORY IS BEING TOLD

her story will live on forever
her laughter fills heaven
her dancing enthralls all

listen closely My child
listen for the wind
hear the gentle rain
see the rainbow stretching from earth to heaven to earth
see the leaves of green turn golden red in the setting sun
hear the silence of snow softly falling
and know that Autumn is still with you
and know that I am whispering your name
you are Mine and I love you
never will I leave you or forsake you
when the night is so dark
hear Me singing over you
when the day is overwhelming
your heart too broken to breathe
feel My arms
sink into them
rest your head on My shoulder
and I will give you rest
because My love for you is
deeper
higher
longer
wider than your mind can conceive
the day will come when you see
and hold your precious Autumn again
until that day live with her memory
giving you hope
know I am holding you
just as I am holding her

My purposes are from before time began
I will bring beauty from brokenness 
joy from sadness
as My plan unfolds
for all to see...
AUTUMN LIVES ON"

live truly

             

               “I will tell you the kind of special day I want....

                    free the people you have put in prison unfairly

             and undo their chains...

                   free those to whom you are unfair

            and stop their hard labor

                   share your food with the hungry

            and bring poor homeless people into your own homes

                  when you see someone who has no clothes give him yours

            and don't refuse to help your own relatives

                 then your light will shine like the dawn

           and your wounds will quickly heal

                 your God will walk before you

           and the glory of the Lord will protect you from behind

                then you will call out and the Lord will answer

           you will cry out and he will say, “here I am”

           if you stop making trouble for others

                 If you stop using cruel words and pointing your finger at others

           if you feed those who are hungry

                and take are of the needs of those who are troubled

           then your light will shine in the darkness

                and you will be bright like sunshine at noon

           the Lord will always lead you

                He will satisfy your needs in dry lands

           and give strength to your bones

               you will be like a garden that has much water

          like a spring that never runs dry

               your people will rebuild the old cities that are now in ruins

          you will rebuild their foundations

               you will be know for repairing the broken places

          and for rebuilding the roads and houses.
                             Isaiah 58:6-12

                                    people rush by
                                        heads down
                                        faces reflecting light of a screen
                                                                 held securely
                                                                 many walking as if
                                                                                       what is held so securely
                                                                                       will lead them to 
                                                                                       destinations 
                                                                                       coveted
                                                                  where empty hearts filled
                                                                where anxious spirits calmed
                                                             where we look like one another 
                                                         where we fit in
                                                     where we belong
                                                  where entitlement thrives 
                                             
                                          OF THIS I SO OFTEN AM GUILTY

                                                                       family sitting
                                                                gathered
                                                          together
                                                    to share a meal
                                              time and space may be shared
                                                       but little other
                                                                little ones watch movies
                                                                         older ones' eyes held captive
                                                                                  by words
                                                                                  by images
                                                                                  by pictures
                                                                              on technology
                                                                         designed to fit in a hand
                                                                  conversation silent
                                                           as fingers race across screens

                                           OF THIS I, TOO, AM GUILTY
                                

                            when I walk
                               when I look up
                                    when I look into the eyes of another
                                                        listen to answers of questions asked
                                                    hear the unspoken 
                                               read the unwritten 
                                          care about the stranger in need
                                     live to give what has been given me
                                 help - even in small ways - those so unfairly enslaved
                                                   used
                                                     abused
                                                        cast aside
                                                           living in fear
                           pray with passion for those held captive
                                    their only crime loving Jesus -
                                                then His light breaks through

                                                      when I live closer to humanity
                                                        when I live life on purpose
                                                               walking on tiptoes
                                                                     peeking around corners
                                                                            anticipating His touch
                                                                                   touching others with
                                                                                         His touch -
                                                                         then am I truly living
                                                                    and to live truly is my desire 

                                                                              
                                         
                            
                                          
                                                                                 
                                                                  

normal

                                                       one thing I ask of the LORD,

                                             this is what I seek:

                                        that I may dwell in the house of the LORD

                                             all the days of my life,

                                        to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD

                                             and to seek Him in His temple.

                                                               Psalm 27:4

                                                         when "normal" stays normal

                                                    when the season is just so comfortable

                                                                   that I settle in

                                                                          for an extended stay

                                                                                  complacency lies in waiting

                                                                              so easy to rely on self

                                                                           to think all is under control

                                                                 to take my eyes off the Master Conductor

                                                            convinced I know my lifesong

                                                      or at least am able to sightread well enough

                                                                        to keep one beat ahead

                                                       time with Jesus lessens 

                                                   hearing His voice above the noise of life

                                                                       more difficult
                                                                           rhythm struggles against rhythm
                                                                        harmonies dissonant
                                                                     melodies once soaring hang low

                                                                         gradually I find myself

                                                                                                  falling

                                                                                                into

                                                                                             the fog of the heart

                                                                                        where fear brings

                                                                                   me to a stop as

                                                                                the music slows

                                              

                                                    it is then that He often gently removes my "normal"

                                                        replacing it with a new normal

                                                        reminding me that normal exists not

                                                    He leads me out of the season I thought home

                                                into a new season

                                            all the while lifting my chin

                                         so my eyes lock with His own eyes

                                     His beauty once again overwhelms my heart

                                 I realize how far I have strayed

                                            how broken I am

                                                     never does He condemn

                                                            rather He draws me close to His heart

                                                                   opening my eyes so I can hear

                                                                         my ears so I can see

                                                                              my heart so I can feel

                                                                                    His presence
                                                                                     His warmth

                                                     worship and thankfulness and adoration

                                                  bring me back to the place of seeking

                                             of longing to be in His presence

                                          knowing that only He can satisfy

                                                     only He can fill emptiness gnawing 

                                                               only He can replace fear with peace
                                                                          as I rest in the light of His glory

                                                 

                                               

                                                            

symphony of life

                                                        the symphony was playing

                                  before even time and space began

                         angels by tens of thousands sang

                              as galaxies and planets

                                    were flung into space

                                          as rainbows of worship danced

                                                as stars were called by name

                                                          the Master Composer knew every note

                                                                                       every harmony

                                                                                  every rhythm

                                                                             every nuance

                                                                       before creation began

                                            the symphony written by the hand of the Creator

                                                 yet He - in boundless love - allows the created

                                                             to join in the performance

                                                                  free will meaning the music

                                                                       will often take on sounds

                                                                            causing His heart to weep

                                                                       harmonies dissonant

                                                                   chords clash

                                                               suspensions longing to be resolved                                                                    as hearts formed in His own image

                                                    argue fight disagree conflict upon conflict

                                                                 His tears fall like the rain

                                                           yet never is that heart caught off guard

                                                             His plan as woven through 

                                                       old testament history and prophecy

                                                 reached forward as the music intensified 

                                           fulfilled as the Creator became the created

                                      divinity dressed in humanity

                                the divine symphony unfurled as angels and stars rejoiced

                                        His plan carried on as the heart of the Savior

                                                 beat with compassion

                                                            forgiveness

                                                           mercy

                                                         love

                                                                  each note played in perfection

                                                                        as He walked toward the cross

                                                                              the symphony 

                                                                           crescendoing in agony

                                                                        as the Creator Composer

                                                                     breathed His final breath

                                   the enemy thought the final movement had been played

                                                          the music silenced forever

                                                                but sometimes the silence of a rest

                                                                     speaks louder

                                                                          than the sound of the music

                                                                  for three days later

                                                             angels numbering thousands

                                                       stars sun moon all of creation

                                                  eyes fixed on the Conductor

                                                       joined the orchestra in a chorus exquisite 

                                                            drops of sun meeting drops of grace

                                                                 as voices raised to heaven singing                                                                                                       

       "joyful, joyful, we adore Thee,

           God of glory, Lord of love;

             hearts unfold like flowers before Thee,

                                  opening to the sun above.

                                       melt the clouds of sin and sadness;

                                           drive the dark of night away

                                                giver of immortal gladness,

                                                     fill us with the light of day"